[VOICE] | un: hammertime

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Type: Voice with Screencaps!
Sender ID: hammertime
To: Public
Subject: Shellphone Tech Support
Warnings: Stupidity

Okay, I admit I'm not the best when it comes to technology but I'm seriously running out of patience here! All I want to do is text someone! I was able to text them before but then I changed their name in my phone and now I can't AND IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT I CAN'T GET NEAR CERTAIN PEOPLE BECAUSE OF THESE BRANDS BUT IF I CAN'T TEXT SOMEONE NOW EXPLODING PRISONS ARE GONNA BE THE LEAST OF THEIR WORRIES.

[Darin takes a deep, steadying breath. Normally, the person he would go to for tech support is Zelda. A person he cannot presently go anywhere near. So now he's the network's problem.]

Look. Okay. I just. I need someone to look at my contacts and tell me if I screwed something up. Because I don't know what I did. I just changed one contact. I change contact names all the time! All the time!

LOOK. HERE.



CAN ANYONE SEE THE PROBLEM BECAUSE I JUST WANT TO TEXT SOMEONE AND EVERY TEXT I [Sounds of fingers furiously tapping] TRY [More tapping] I GET [TAPPING]

... ... ...

"MESSAGE CANNOT BE DELIVERED" MY BRIGHT, BLUE ASS!!! WHO THE HELL MADE THESE PIECES OF—

[Darin is drowned out by the sound of wind because he did, in fact, throw his phone.]

[He will retrieve it shortly once it lands.]

Comments

[forgeabettertomorrow]

THAT'S LITERALLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING YOU BASTARD!!!

...Wait.




What?

[thearchangel]

Look at the image again.

Look at the picture of Zelda.

Now, stay with me… look at what you put her contact name as.

1/???

[forgeabettertomorrow]

2/???

[forgeabettertomorrow]

3/???

[forgeabettertomorrow]

4/???

[forgeabettertomorrow]

5/???

[forgeabettertomorrow]

DONE

[forgeabettertomorrow]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[thearchangel]

[Oh god.]

[Okay - he at least has the decency to mute his mic before doubling over laughing. It's more like a dry wheeze, but it's still a laugh. Don't cough up a lung big guy.]

You - you really didn't notice?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

SHUT THE HELL UP I'M ANGRY AND I JUST WANT TO TEXT MY—

GUH—

GI-APTAIN.

[thearchangel]

Didn't you also call her "my Zelda" on a big breaking out of prison announcement a while back? Or did I hallucinate that from crystal jail?

[He did not. He knows.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

HEY SPEAKING OF HOW ARE YOU??? ARE YOU ALRIGHT???

[thearchangel]

You're deflecting.

And I'm fine.

[Pot, kettle, etc.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

But are you really fine? Where are you? Maybe I should come over and check on you!

[thearchangel]

Our apartment.

... If you're going to come charging in to get this off the network, don't forget your key. I don't have the funds to repair my door locks right now.

[ACTION]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Oh Darin is on his way in a panic. A blind panic. A panic blinding enough that he forgets what faction that Garrus is a part of.]

[He, thankfully, has his key and throws open the door.]

GARRUS, SERIOUSLY I NEED YOUR HEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

[He wheels around and crashes over a table as he scrambles for the door because PAIN.]

[thearchangel]

[You know, he didn't think it would be this bad. The dubious benefit of your closest confidant and partner being on the same randomly selected team as you. He thought he'd had pain before.]

[Thankfully, he heard the key in the lock and wasn't... completely startled by the blue blur bursting into the cramped little apartment. The screaming, the bolt of pain, and... ]

I've - seen more graceful drunken elcor. [It isn't as dry as he'd like it to be, given he'd dropped his tools to clasp a hand on his arm and all.] Stop screaming, I have neighbors!

And I liked that table!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[Darin scrambles out the door on all fours.]

I WILL BUILD YOU A NEW ONE!!

GODS I HATE THESE STUPID BRANDS I CAN'T GO NEAR MY GIRLFRIEND OR MY BEST FRIEND!!

[thearchangel]

[After a moment, exhaling sharply through the pain, Garrus hobbles over to a chair where he can see out the door.]

It was an antique. They're classy.

[You know, just casual conversation while the small distance mitigates some of the stupid brand pain.]

... I thought Karlach was in the same Armada as you.

[Garrus Vakarian, missing the damn point.]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Yeah she is, we went camping.

Doesn't change the fact that stupid politics is keeping me from the people I care about most.

Hell, I couldn't even help you because I was on the run. You probably got arrested because of me.

[thearchangel]

Can't argue that. Politicians never do anything useful - even when they do, there's always a catch.

[Even Wrex got in on that. Granted, he kind of had a better reason than most, but still.]

To be fair, I didn't exactly make it very public. [To the last bit, he shuts his mouth with an audible click. Because, yeah, that. That did play a part.] I do have a history of pissing people off, though. Don't blame yourself too much.

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Oh stop trying to spare my feelings. I'm not gonna fall apart again. But I'm not gonna pretend like I'm not at fault either. I could have— should have fought.

I owe you an apology. So you can either accept it like my best friend or deflect like you always do.

[thearchangel]

All right. Then you're an idiot who should have stood up for himself. [That was easier than he thought.] But, I'm serious about that habit of mine. Do you think my face was always this ruggedly handsome?

[Yeah he's doing the comedic deflecting a little here, but - hold on.]

Your what?

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You heard me.

Best friend.

You've been looking out for me from the start but I never thought I was worth it. It was insulting to you. You're an adult. You can decide what's worth fighting for or not. I'm done turning away the people that matter to me, pretending like I know better than they do.

1/2

[thearchangel]

[404 ERROR; RESPONSE NOT FOUND]