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[seaboards]

SHIVER ME TINDERS

Something’s been glitching with everyone’s shellphones this month…! They suddenly fizzle and go black and when they reboot it appears there’s been some unwanted activity happening on them on your behalf.

A network post has appeared and with it, fake social media profiles have popped up too. You didn’t post to it, the shellphones have automatically done that for you. They’ve posted one picture, your age and three random facts about you. Whether or not those facts are true or not is … sketchy at best.

If you’re curious, go scrolling through the network post and see what it says about others! Comment around and ask them about their facts! And maybe make a new friend?

- Oocly, you will post your character to the network post with a picture, name and age and three random facts.
- The facts don't have to be true and can be entirely made up and be random or wild. Or they can be the realist facts about your character. It's up to you.
- Have your character react icly any way you want!
- Post and tag around!
- This is not necessarily a romance/date finding post, we just thought it was funny. Make friends and cr!

Please use this profile box: (square images work the best)
<center><table style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 2;"><tr><td width="260" align="center"><img src="IMGURLHERE" style="width: 245px; border-radius: 15px; border: 1px solid #7F7F7F; box-shadow: #8D8D8D 1px 1px 1px;"><br /><b><big><big>CHARACTER NAME (CHARACTER AGE)</big></big></b><br> PALADIN/CORSAIR ☆ FACT ONE ☆ FACT TWO ☆ FACT THREE <br><tr><td><center><span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#2EB82E;">✓</span>       <span style="font-family: times; font-size:40px; color:#CC0000;">✕</span></div> </center></td></tr></td></tr></table></center>

Comments

[multidisciplinary]

ZELDA (124) PALADIN ☆ Has been lying to you for years ☆ Objectively perfect ass 🍑 ☆ Award-winning Naughtilust drug peddler

✓       ✕

alternative response option (open)

[multidisciplinary]

[ Imagine scrolling through your shellphone and suddenly finding a picture you sent privately to your boyfriend.

Your first guess probably isn't that this is because of a network-wide glitch.... ]

Darin!! Delete this right now!!!

[forgeabettertomorrow]

[oh look a text from Zelda. Wait, why is the recipient list so long? Doesn’t that mean it got sent to a ton of people? That doesn’t make any sense. Man technology is screwy. This is why he prefers pencil and paper like a proper old man.]

Huh? Delete what? What did I do?

Wait is this about that ad that I sent you from the Naughtilust? I told you, I don’t even know how I wound up on that mailing list. I don’t even know where that shop oh gods wait I just remembered it was probably that guy who wanted me to forge that iron “tool” for his customers. Remember that guy I told you about??

[multidisciplinary]

[ Omg Darin this is not about any of that and WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT COMMISSION WHERE ANYONE CAN READ THIS??? ]

Yes, I remember him, and no, that is not what this is about. It is not about the mailing list either.

[ Goddess, does she really have to spell it out for him? ]

I'm referring to the message with the photograph. Please delete it!!

[crystalrepose]

Oh, that hood is very cute!

[Don't look away from her face. Don't look away from her face.

Miriam is neither confirming nor denying that she looked away from Zelda's face.]

text; un: multidisciplinary

[multidisciplinary]

[ Hylia bless you, Miriam, for not bringing up any of the embarrassing parts of this post. Zelda is 100% not going to ask if you looked away from her face. ]

Thank you, Miriam!

The whole outfit is a shark-themed onesie; I believe the proper name for it is "kigurumi." It has a shark tale in the back too, it's very cute!

[crystalrepose]

It does?? That's lovely!

[Fortunately Miriam is easy to distract.]

One of the mer forms I seem to return to most often has a shark tail, as well. It's quite handy, at least until you need to stop.

text; un: soundsurfer

[stillarhino]

[He was scrolling... just scrolling... and then landed on this. AND SCROLLED BACK UP SO FAST??? so he can't see past her neck.]

yo you sure you want that pic out there?

text; un: multidisciplinary

[multidisciplinary]

[ Zelda wants so badly to reach through the screen and zip up that hoodie... ]

I very much do not! I thought I had deleted it.

[ She doesn't realize that she just admitted to intentionally taking that pic in the first place. ]

[stillarhino]

hold up




you thought you deleted it?

[Oh.

The one time his single braincell decided to do some heavy-lifting, it was for this.]

steps you might wanna give it a sec before you say anything else

text; un: archangel

[thearchangel]

Captain, don't take this the wrong way but, ah.

I have questions.

text; un: multidisciplinary

[multidisciplinary]

[ Garrus, there's no right way to take this. ]

If any of those questions are "what possessed you to post this?", the answer is I didn't. I believe Darin is playing a prank on me.

[thearchangel]

That's a hell of a prank. I mean.

The picture alone... [IT FEELS WEIRD TO LOOK AT THAT.] I uh. Can see if I can take it down. For you.

text; emet-sulk

[emet_sulk]

I'm not one to tell others what to do with their time or their lives but this feels excessive even for you.

text; un: multidisciplinary

[multidisciplinary]

[ If only the ground would open up right now and swallow Zelda whole. Or the sea. Either works. ]

Please do not misunderstand. I am not in the habit of encouraging the consumption of hallucinogens for reasons other than scientific inquiry, nor do I think my posterior is in any way remarkable enough to call attention to.

[emet_sulk]

[ Slow eyebrow raise behind the screen. ]

'Other than scientific enquiry'? I hope you don't have a habit of eating unknown mushrooms.

[ Deliberately avoiding a comment about her posterior. That is not for him to comment on. ]

un: reindered

[reindered]

um????

i'm not sure if you meant to put post this???

text; un: multidisciplinary

[multidisciplinary]

[ ... Oh Hylia, strike your daughter down right now. This is not something Zelda ever wanted doctor toddler Chopper to read. ]

I most certainly did not! Please disregard this, Chopper. I believe Darin is playing a prank on me.

[reindered]

[Sorry Zelda. He hadn't meant to see this either??]

it was darin? oh. why would he do something like that?!

text; un: encoreinthedeep

[encoreinthedeep]

[ WHY ARE SO MANY OF THESE ABOUT S*X THINGS. Zelda he expected better of you. ]

What is your species' average lifespan?

[ It stands out to him because while his own would exceed 150 years, most other races he knows rarely live to one hundred. And Zelda certainly doesn't look to be old. ]

text; un: multidisciplinary

[multidisciplinary]

[ NOOO WAIT SHE DIDN'T WRITE ALL THIS AFJDKSLEWESFD. SHE HONESTLY THOUGHT HER BOYFRIEND DID.

Thank the Goddess that Ulpianus isn't asking about any of those things. ]

Eighty to one hundred years, on average. But it is not uncommon to find someone over one hundred and twenty or thirty, particularly within the Sheikah tribe.

[encoreinthedeep]

[ DON'T WORRY ZELDA HE DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT S*X THINGS SO HE WILL JUST IGNORE THEM ENTIRELY. HE'S GOT YOU. ]

You exhibit no signs of approaching your biological death. How was this achieved?

[tilfrosset]

Lying?

Zelda, is there something you'd like to tell me?

text; un: multidisciplinary

[multidisciplinary]

Surely you've heard about my proper title by now, Jill! I am not lying about anything anymore!

[tilfrosset]

I wasn't aware you had a proper title. You're royalty?