2 Jokes 4 the price of 1

[bountyfull]

Type: Video
Sender ID: bountyfull
To: general public
Subject: Two Things
Warnings: It's dad jokes.


[ Haha, helloooo! He waves with one han—the metal one— since the other is holding his shellphone. It's pretty novel, this kind of technology. He seems fairly adept at it if the way he's framed himself in the video is any indication. ]

I heard some pretty good jokes the other day [ DID YOU, VASH? ] so I wanted to share them.

[ He clears his throat with a laugh, his head tilting slightly. ]

What would bears be without bees?

[ There's a pause as he leans in to the camera to whisper: ]

Ears.

[ He does his absolute level best (not really) not to laugh, which is unsuccessful. Once he calms down he grins in a way that makes his nose wrinkle ]

One more!

The other day a guy hit me with a bottle of milk!

[ Another Pause... ]

How dairy?!

[ He needs to be stopped. ]

Comments

video; un: stillarhino; 1/4

[stillarhino]

[Beat stares back at the shellphone screen, brows knit together.]

[stillarhino]

[stillarhino]

done

[stillarhino]

I don't get it.

video; un: paradisea

[empyrean_mirror]

[It's like he can feel it, the spirit of Cyno, coming here to possess some poor man and haunt him. What has Kaveh done to deserve this?

Aside from all the felonies, Mehrak doesn't even COUNT.]

Why.

[Why would you do this.]

[bountyfull]

[ a disturbance in the force, if you will. ]

Why not?

[ He says this with a grin. He knows what he's doing. ]

video | sender id: netherese

[netherese]

[Suddenly, Gale feels keenly aware of how his companions back home must feel when he says such things.]

Well... for a given definition of 'good,' I suppose. Passable, at the very least!

[He clears his throat, his initial grimace giving way to show that he's fighting the urge to smile. Gods, he hates that he thinks these are funny.]

[bountyfull]

[ The way Vash leans in a little to peek closer at the camera, and the way he's still grinning like an idiot proooobably means he's caught the way that grimace is faltering. ]

C'mon, don't tell me you don't have any jokes of your own to share!

video!! un: professor

[lecturer]

[ MY FIRST NETWORK REPLY sometimes a joke is funny enough that you work the little shellphone so the person telling it can hear you laughing! it's 100% genuine!! ]

Oh! Very good. A spot of wordplay, is it...? [ putting his hand to his chin, cyrus delivers with flair: ]

Have you ever heard the one about the broken quill? I do believe it may be pointless.

[bountyfull]

[ Oh. FINALLY. ]

Haha, that one's pretty good!

[ But see, now it's either a competition, or bonding. ]

Hmmm... You know what has more lives than a cat? A frog, because he croaks every day!

voice; un: makoglow

[makoglow]

Tell me your location.

I just want to have a talk.

[bountyfull]

Mmmm...

No thanks!

[ uh oh. ]

text; un: vulturvolans

[indispensable]

[Alhaitham normally does not have any real opinion on puns. They kind of exist, and Cyno likes making them more than one should be feasibly allowed to.

But right now he's seeing Kaveh grimacing in real time and he's always up for causing more pain in his husband's life.]

7/10 for the first joke. It requires a rudimentary understanding of spelling, and would translate better in a textual form instead of a verbal one.

8/10 for the second. It works better as a verbal punchline like you did, but enunciation is key. It will be easy to overlook otherwise.

[He's texting because he's in the same room with Kaveh right now and obviously speaking will just give the game away.]

[bountyfull]

[ Oh text. Interesting.

EVALUATING HIS JOKES, LESS INTERESTING. ]

Well at least they're better than average!
What do you think would be a 10/10 joke?

video; un: nutsornothing

[nutsornothing]

[You see this Vash? This is Denji leaning very closely towards the feed of his shellphone squinting before the tip of his tongue extends out his mouth making a fart sound emanate aloud.]

Dude...Those were so LAME.

[Sorry Vash you're going to have to do better than that to amuse this unhinged teenager.]

[bountyfull]

[ what a username, wow. ]

Aw, come on. I think they're pretty funny.

What about this one?
What do you call a parrot that flew away? A polygon!

video;

[activatingcombatmode]

[Well, have a clip of Zack busting a lung laughing!!]

Looks like you've got some legendary jokes, man!

[bountyfull]

Oh, I think I see what you did there!

[ He settles his chin in his metal hand. ]

Do you want to hear another one?

Text, UN: 🖕nunya🖕

[telepathicignorance]

(Yes, that's really their username. Deal with it.)

You ever get a good look at Orion's belt? I wouldn't bother. It's a big waist of space.

[bountyfull]

[ Vash discovers emoji... ]

Oh! That's a good one, though I've never actually gotten to see Orion.

video; un: noah

[afflatusexarch]

Truthfully, that first one is a bit unbearable to mine ears.

[ And he wiggles them for good measure! ]

[bountyfull]

[ Oh he has QUESTIONS? About the ears, but he keeps them to himself. The only indication is a brief flick of his gaze up then back down. He grins almost immediately. ]

I've got funnier ones!

Do you know what has five toes but isn't your foot?

text | un: astudyinviolet

[astudyinviolet]

[ ... Hell's bells. Jon, this is for you. ]

Who is the greatest chicken-killer in Shakespeare? Macbeth, because he did murder most foul.

[bountyfull]

[ Ohhhh this one takes him a minute. He blinks, the expression fairly readable behind the sunglasses perched on his face. ]

Oh, haha, I like that one! I'm not super familiar with the source material though. A novel right?

[ No Vash but points for trying. ]

video; un: catsgothistongue

[catsgothistongue]

[Given his own username was a pun/jab at him, you'd think he'd appreciate a good pun or two.

He doesn't. At least, not Vash's, if the deadpan he's giving is proof.]

Booooo... Those completely sucked, man.

[bountyfull]

I dunno, it's kind of a personal preference thing you know? They're not so bad.

[ There's a pause, he definitely remembers this guy from The Squirrel Incident. ]

Do you have one of your own?

un; perfpilot, video

[sos_pilot]

... So, how many children do you have? Cause, classic dad jokes, right there.

[ She knows she has no room to talk, but she's a little curious first and foremost. ]

[bountyfull]

Ch-children?!

[ He sounds like he's swallowed a bug, and looks like it too. He doesn't blush but there's certainly a red hue to his face. Oops. ]

Haha, no. None actually? I'm not exactly parent material.

Voice

[scooba]

[..................................]

Oh. How funny...?

[No seriously, how was he supposed to react??]

[bountyfull]

Thanks!

[ Genuine! Despite the doubts he has that this was meant genuinely to begin with. ]

video; id: ramuhs

[ramuhs]

Hah! Not bad, lad, I'll have to keep them in mind.

[They're terrible jokes. Which is why of course he would find them funny.]

I have one for you—why did the skeleton not go to the party?

[Fitting given how Ghoul's Moon just passed.]

[VIDEO] UN:Hammertime 1/2

[forgeabettertomorrow]

You know, I grew up in a port town. Lots of ships coming in and out with all kinds of cargo. So one day, this ship gets loaded up and sets off to sea. But they barely get a mile out when the ship goes down.

No one can understand what the hell happened. Everyone's running around trying to get on other ships to go retrieve whoever they can. People are panicking except the dock foreman, who isn't even breaking a sweat.

So one of the sailors goes to the foreman and he says "Boss, what's going on? Why aren't you freaking out?"

And the foreman goes "Why would I be? I knew that ship was going down the second it left port!"

The sailor's eyes go wide. "Wait, how is that possible? What do you mean? How did you know?"

The foreman claps an experienced hand on the young sailor's shoulder and gives him a stern but knowing look. And he says...

Re: [VIDEO] UN:Hammertime 2/2

[forgeabettertomorrow]

"Didn't you know? That ship was hauling vegetables."

"It was fulla' leeks!"