anon ⊗ dating advice

[flamekthunder]

Type: Text
Sender ID: anonymous (Eustace)
To: Everyone
Subject: first date help!!
Warnings: none

uwaaa we're going on our first date but i've never been on one before!! what should i do?? we're going to the dragon's gale but like i want them to have a good time!! we've been friends for so long how can i make it special so it's not like another day out?? 😫😫😫😫

any advice appreciated thanks!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

[There's a reason why this is anonymous.

Already regretting his decision, Eustace grimaces in disgust typing this hideous thing. But he doesn't want bothersome questions about himself and [redacted], and he knows he's out of his element here. Since he doesn't know anyone personally to ask and he definitely doesn't want [redacted] to see it, he's just going to cover all his tracks and inflict self-torture as he channels someone from his world to pretend as. thanks Beatrix he hates this so much]

Comments

voice; un: desirestruth

[desirestruth]

[Stubbornly on voice because she hATES TYPING--]

...I think giving your intended flowers is traditional?

text; anon

[flamekthunder]

well duh and i thought about it but then they'll be holding them the whole time!

Also anonymous

[floeing]

take them to Rotagcorc
for a walk under the stars

[Bad things happen when Jack is bored.]

[flamekthunder]

what why there?? that's full of gators and i already said we're going to dragon's gale!!!! 😤😤😤😤

[He hates himself.]

text; anonymous

[spectacleofphantasmagoria]

Ah yes, it's that time of year, isn't it? The time where young love blooms like fresh flowers! I'm quite happy for you, my friend!

If you're going to take your amour to the Dragon's Gale festivals, there are plenty of lovely activities you can do together! But first, tell me, do you have an idea of what it is your date enjoys? Their hobbies, interests, that sort of thing?

[flamekthunder]

what they enjoy? hmmmmm

[Finally someone who might have some helpful advice!!! But how to write this without making it obvious who it is...]

they liked dancing and going on walks and cooking! 🥰

[Still hating himself, but for the mission information...!!!]

voice; un: halfdog

[halfdog]

[ why is this message pissing him off for some reason? it's like he can hear the voice coming through the words. ]

Why are ya asking for advice!? If you've known 'em for that long you should already know what to do!

[ Like inuyasha has a clue about any of this ]

text; anon

[flamekthunder]

[Just going to stare at this message knowing full well who it is.]

wow so does that mean you're an expert? have you been on a date??

text | anonymous

[astudyinviolet]

[ Insert a typed copy of his notes focused on the first dates and subsequent dates in the romance novels he used for research trying to figure out his own feelings. A lot of statistics and pattern making are involved. This includes tallying the locations, meals, word choice, and outcomes. ]

[flamekthunder]

[Oh.

This is a lot, but the moment he sees this he actually sits up a bit and reads the information thoroughly. Certainly a lot of unnecessary details, but...

It could help give some ideas at least and better than the basically zero he had starting out.]

wowowowowow!!!! 🤯 that's so much!! are you a dating master or something???

where did you get all this info??

text; un: anonymous

[ventego]

[ No way, this person is in the exact same predicament as he is! Well, this certainly saves him having to post on the network himself. But their texting style is awfully familiar... ]

Thank you for posting this.

I'm going on a date to confess to the person I like this month and was hoping for some advice.

[ He could leave it there, with a good luck wish for the both of them, but his curiosity is nagging at him. ]

Sorry if this seems out of the blue but I feel like I know you.

[flamekthunder]

[He had a feeling someone else might benefit from this, which would actually help for his "cover."

But... What? Sound familiar?? He doubts anyone would know who he really is, especially since he rarely uses the network to begin with. But did he really somehow manage to type like someone else...?

...

Also to his benefit so he'll just roll with it (even if he's dying inside at times).]

really?? wishing you luck i'm sure it will go well!! 🌠♥️🎆

[Squinting at those emojis but whatever.]

but what do you mean?? you think you know me?? 🤯🤯🤯🤯 nooo don't say it we're supposed to be anonymous!! 😖😖😖

text; un: stillarhino

[stillarhino]

aint the point of a date doing stuff you wanna do together?
if you twos been friends for a long time just being around with thems what makes it special

[flamekthunder]

[........He knew he risked someone he knew actually answering and he shouldn't be surprised Beat answered, but he feels somewhat perplexed all the same. Note, make sure he never finds out about this.]

i know, but!! i want this to be idk different 😩

text; un: nutsornothing

[nutsornothing]

Congrats on the first date yo but I hope you don't talk like that when you're around them!? No offense but you kinda sound like a little baby unless they are into that kinda shit which is pretty weird.

[flamekthunder]

[Annnnd there's another one he knows that makes him feel a little perplexed and will make sure he never finds out. But while some might find the message insulting, it just reaffirms he made the right choice to choose a personality that is completely opposite his own.

As torturous as it can be.

Well it makes it easier for him to respond to these kind of things like this—]

wow??? rude!! well you sound like an asshole!! 😡😡😡

[Sorry Denji, but he's committed to the bit.]

anon, because this was cringe to write she doesn't want her name attached

[mwehehe]

Like 💛 OMG 😱 a 💯💓 first 😌 date?? 👫🔕 What 😦 do they LIKE? Flowers? 🌺🌺 Romance? You ☝☝ should 💘 totally ♂😠 go 🤛 for a stroll on ♿🔛 the beach 👙😍 at 💰 sunset!! That 👨 would be the 🌌 most 🐶 romantic 💋 I 🙉🍑 think. 💭 Unless 💁 you already do ⚠ that, then you 🏾 should 💘 do 💕💦 something BIGGER. Rose petal path 🛣🛣 on 🔛🔛 the 🅱 beach! Big 😍😫 heart in 🍑🕕 the 👦 middle 🖕 around 🕥 a 👌 candlelit table of 👨💦 dinner! 🍲🍤

[...if anyone ever asks, she'll deny it was her. This is probably the most cringe thing she's done, and that's saying something considering who she is.]

omg

[flamekthunder]

[.....

He wants to delete this.]

i think that's a little too much.................. 🤯

not here

[stillarhino]

[good thing this is anon, otherwise someone might be taking notes.]

text; id: vulturvolans

[indispensable]

Is there any particular reason why you're using this kind of vernacular?

[Look Alhaitham isn't judging (okay he's maybe judging a little) but why are you using all those. Little picture things...]

[flamekthunder]

bc it's fun!!! 😆😆😆

[He wants to die.]

text; un: starshower

[starshower]

You know, funny someone should bring this up. I've been wondering the same myself. I'm about to go on my first date too, and I'm a little at a loss for what I can do to make it more special.

[flamekthunder]

[WELL.

He had a feeling she would show up so this is...somewhat awkward. At the same time, although he's already asked her her thoughts before, he wonders if she would say anything different. Although would it be considered underhanded if he doesn't tell her...

...

Ugh he can tell her later so she can laugh at him then.]

ugh it's so haaaardd!! 😫 what are you thinking about?

text | un: netherese

[netherese]

[Oh, this poor soul is in dire need of help. It's been years since Gale has courted someone properly— there wasn't much need for it for a long while— but he'd like to think he remembers a few things, even if he's not put them into practice for some time.]

First things first, my friend— you must breathe deep, get ahold of yourself!

If you want to make a strong impression, then you'll need confidence.

[flamekthunder]

[There are times he feels a bit guilty that people believe this character he's made. At the same time, it helps ease the pain of keeping up with this ruse as it means he must be fairly convincing.

...Still, not bad advice. Confidence huh...]

what kind of confidence?

Text

[velocityraptor]

Make it special. People really like it when you dress up and make kind of a production of it. Be more attentive and maybe bring a gift.

Most of all, just relax. Dating's awkward, but it's not a big deal really, especially if you already know this person and like them.

[flamekthunder]

a production, huh...

but wouldn't it be bad to overdo it?